I want to be a renaissance man. I want to be a man of many talents. I want to be a great drummer. I want to be a great IT professional. I want to be a great leader. I want to be someone others can look to and up to.  I want to stop looking inward and start looking forward. I want to help, to make a mark on other peoples' lives in a positive way. I want them to think of me as a great man in the manner of Christ not so much as Trump but more like Gandhi. The problem is I am a selfish and lazy. The effort is too painful and the gratification is too long in coming. I want to fix this problem.

But Rome wasn't built in a day neither shall I be. I am closing the cheap high chapter of my life where happiness could be found in a bottle or a pill. The effort of which burns away all the guilt, all the pain, all the procrastination of a good life. For the first time, in a long time, I feel purposeful. God, if you are out there, hear my prayer of serenity.